


Adventures in Pink

by merlins_sister



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Humor, Xmas fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2011-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-24 14:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlins_sister/pseuds/merlins_sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The senior staff are putting on a show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Adventures in Pink

Elizabeth was the first to question the script placed in front of her.

"Carson, I think I've got the wrong script here," she said carefully. "I've got the one with Prince Charming's lines highlighted."

"Yeah," said Major Lorne. "Definite problem with your system, Doc. I've got the one for the Fairy Godmother."

"No, no, it's okay," said Carson, as he moved around the table. "You've definitely got the right scripts. You see... "

Any further explanation from Carson was cut off by a groan from Rodney. "You can't be doing this to us, Carson."

"Doing what?" Elizabeth asked, her eyebrow raised.

Rodney answered for him. "I think the musical version of Cinderella we were expecting has been morphed into a pantomime version."

"Pantomime?" Teyla asked, looking up from her own script.

Rodney searched for the best definition he could come think of. "Musicals on acid." At her confused look he continued, "Lots of gender reversing, with men in make up and pink satin, and women in feminised male costumes. Innuendo, music and audience participation." He paused before glaring at Carson. "An insight into a nation's attitude to sexuality if ever there was one."

"So, this Cinderella is a man?" Teyla asked.

"No, love," replied Carson before Rodney could jump in again. "You are the heroine of the story, so definitely female. But Dr Weir is what we call the principal boy, the romantic male lead, played by a woman."

"Who's 'Buttons'?" asked John, his nose wrinkled in concentration as he read through the script.

"He's Cinderella's family's footman. He is deeply in love with Cinderella, and is always played by a man."

"But I wanted to play Prince Charming," John said, a slight pout to his voice.

"You would," retorted Rodney. "But at least your character is male. Unlike... " He waved his script. "Grizelda, Ugly Step-sister number 1."

"At least that's better than the Fairy Godmother," Lorne replied, his shoulders sagging.

"I know this must seem strange to you all," Carson said quickly. "But it really is the only solution to the problem of a senior staff team putting on a Christmas show for the expedition members, when the majority of senior staff are male."

"What about Heightmeyer and Cadman?" demanded Rodney.

"Kate is barely standing again after her bout of pneumonia," Carson said patiently. "And even if we gave Laura honorary senior status, she won't be back from Earth in time." He took a seat next to Elizabeth before continuing, "Besides, Rodney, would you want to tell them that they were playing the Ugly Sisters?"

Rodney shifted in his seat. "Good point."

"And if this mission is all about cultural exchange," said Carson, "how about some cultural exchange amongst its members? Pantos are a big thing in Britain. I'm sure you could all learn to appreciate them."

Certain male members of the group looked less than convinced.

Elizabeth had a different opinion. "I think it's an excellent idea, Carson," she said, closing her script. "Your point about this being an international force is well made. Why shouldn't the British share one of their holiday traditions with us?" She stood up. "Where are we meeting for rehearsals on Thursday?"

"I've cleared the hall near the outer quarters. Should be discreet enough so that the majority don't get to see what's going on."

Elizabeth nodded her approval. "Good. I will see you there."

"With the first ten pages learnt," said Carson with a smile.

Elizabeth smiled at the order. "As you wish, Mr Director."

Teyla stood to follow her out, a smile on her face as she glanced at the men. "I'm sure it will be fun," she said gently.

"For who?" asked Rodney.

She replied with a laugh in the same gentle tone before nodding her goodbyes.

Carson looked at the concerned looks on the faces in front of him, obviously considering a further comment. Seeing the looks, however, he chose to make a discreet exit.

As the door closed behind him, John asked, "How exactly did we end up agreeing to do this again?"

"Carson probably gave us something to make us agree," Rodney sighed. "Or Elizabeth. Or possibly both of them. They're sneaky when they have to be."

"I don't see why you're all so upset," said Ronon calmly as he put his script down.

"Oh, you don't, Esmerelda, Ugly Sister number 2?" asked Rodney, slightly incredulous, waving Ronon's script at him with the offending role highlighted. "I mean, you did hear me when I talked about the men being in make up and pink satin."

Ronon shrugged. "Yeah, but if Teyla is playing the girl, and Weir is playing the prince, that means they're going to have to kiss at some point." He shrugged again slowly.

The other men stared at him before, as one, grabbing their scripts and flicking to the end.

"You know," John started slowly after a few moments reading, "Elizabeth is right. We should really start to appreciate the other cultural experiences of team members. It is only fair."

"Hmm... yes," replied Rodney, closing his own script. "And although I have some understanding of this particular genre of the theatre, I do feel that attendance at all rehearsals is required by all non-British staff. Just so we get a complete picture of what is involved."

The men's eyes finally met.

"I think we need to go and tell Carson about our understanding about cultural exploration," said John almost leaping to his feet, rapidly followed by Rodney and Lorne.

"And attendance at all the rehearsals," added Rodney as he followed the Colonel and Major out quickly.

Only Ronon moved slowly, a grin spreading across his face as he wandered after them.


	2. Also Available in Blue

Carson pondered, not for the first time, how exactly he had managed to get himself into this situation. It should have been a simple enough task, using old skills to provide a little light relief in the darkness that could be Atlantis. Somehow, though, the production of a simple pantomime had turned into... well, a pantomime. Not that the rehearsals hadn't gone well, especially considering how reluctant certain male members of the cast had been initially. Their new found enthusiasm had come about quite suddenly, and Carson had a strange feeling that the penny would drop at some point why that was. But it didn't seem to be affecting their ability to get involved so he hadn't pushed it. It was just that as the performance date grew nearer... well, it just seemed like the more eccentric elements of the Atlantis' personnel's characteristics had come rushing to the fore.

As a result he seemed to have ended up being far more involved than he expected in all the production areas. He hadn't been expecting to have to deal in detail with costume. And by the look on Kate's face, neither had she. But now that the more straightforward costumes had been dealt with he was having to deal with... well, Rodney. Hence the Colonel and he were standing with the erstwhile therapist outside the makeshift changing rooms.

"McKay, come on," cajoled the Colonel. "It can't be that bad."

"That bad?!" Rodney snapped from behind the curtain. "Says the man in a shirt, vest and black trousers."

""The outfit is part of the show, Rodney," Carson tried to explain again. "You are meant to look... "

"Ridiculous?" squeaked Rodney. "Stupid? Idiotic?"

Carson glanced at Kate, who was rubbing her forehead and probably wondering when a favour to him and creative therapy for her had turned into this little scene. She looked the closest he'd ever seen her to losing it. And considering where they lived, that was saying something.

"You can NOT be expecting me to appear in public in this," Rodney continued from behind the curtain. "I do have a certain standing here..."

Before Carson could try another attempt to calm him down, Kate pushed forward. "Rodney!" she snapped. "I swear, if you're not out of there in the next ten seconds I'm sending Cadman in... with pins!"

Silence greeted her threat from the other side of the curtain before a very audible sigh could be heard. A rattle of the curtain and Rodney appeared in front of them.

Or should that be Grizelda?

He wore a bright blue satin dress in what could only be described 'nightmare bridesmaid' style. His hair was covered by a bright blonde wig in an architecturally-challenging beehive style.

Rodney looked between the Colonel and Carson nervously, and Carson really thought he'd be able to do it. But in some unspoken agreement broke into peels of laughter at the same split second as the Colonel.

"Oh that's great!" snapped Rodney. "Very supportive."

Carson fought a valiant battle to get himself under control, and when he had just about managed it he explained, "Rodney, you're meant to get this reaction. Your first entrance should be incredibly funny visually. Later that great delivery of the lines you've got will be getting the laughs."

Rodney settled at Carson's reassurance and praise. He eyed Sheppard suspiciously, the good Colonel's obviously restrained silence worrying him. But after a few moments, as Kate started to fuss around the costume making minor adjustments, he sighed, "I suppose you know what you're doing."

"Of course I do," Carson said in a reassuring tone, trying to dismiss the numerous nightmares that ran through his head on a regular basis about the production. But with Rodney calmer that was another problem off his list.

Carson's peace of mind lasted about thirty seconds.

"Anyone for coffee?"

Cadman's voice was its usual bright and breezy self, which had its usual effect on Rodney. His eyes narrowed, and he had that look of concentration that told Carson he was preparing a particularly vicious quip.

Carson turned to Laura and took a coffee off the tray she was carrying. "Thank you, love," Carson said with a smile, trying to ignore the fact that her face showed she was obviously in the mood to take on Rodney for her own entertainment today.

He pondered how quickly he could get out of the area.

Laura moved with the tray around the group before ending up in front of Rodney.With her most innocent look on her face she offered Rodney the last coffee. Carson watched as Rodney tried to resist the caffeine, before he quickly fell to its lure, taking the drink off the tray.

Laura didn't move, her gaze holding Rodney's steadily. There was a silence before Laura piped up, "Colour suits you. Brings out the blue in your eyes."

Carson found himself taking a few steps back, seemingly in instinctive accordance with Kate and John, as they waited for the explosion.

"Oh, I bet you're loving this," Rodney snapped. "You weren't meant to be due back until just after the holidays and suddenly you're here... loving this..."

"Yes, Rodney, because it's always been my fantasy to see you in drag," Laura said, the roll of her eyes obvious in the tone of her voice. "And the Marines Corps were happy to help out."

The way Rodney glared at Sheppard told him that he had no doubt that the Colonel could have organised it if he wanted to, and Rodney obviously thought he had.

"You know as well as I do that I'm back early so Lorne could go to Earth," Laura said. She looked him up and down. "Not that seeing you like this isn't... entertaining." The wicked smile returned.

Rodney was saved from another explosion by the low voice of Ronon as he came out of his cubicle. The Colonel's slight squeak of reaction was echoed in the silence from the others as they took in the sight of the large Satedan in a bright pink version of Rodney's dress.

"I'm not happy," Ronon said, looking down at his dress.

"See!" exclaimed Rodney, pointing to Ronon in some sort of vindication. "Not just me."

"I'm not being paranoid like you, McKay," Ronon said calmly. "It's just... " He looked down at himself again. "It's just that I think that Esmerelda would be bigger... you know, up top." He jumped up and down as if to illustrate the point, the false bust moving slightly.

There seemed to be no obvious response to this, and the group stood in silence looking at the now still Satedan.

Kate recovered her composure first, picking up her sewing materials, and with a still slightly stunned smile on her face, moved towards Ronon. "Let's see what we can do about that," she said, ushering Ronon back into his cubicle. As she started to pull the curtain closed she said quickly, "Oh, Laura, could you show Rodney the shoes while I'm doing this?"

"Shoes?" Rodney asked with a slight squeak to his voice. "I thought we were just having dyed boots."

"Well, you were until Kate found out that I was coming back in time," Laura said, rummaging in a box to the back of the room."

Turning back to Rodney, the wicked smile now forced into its most innocent version, she explained, "You see I have this friend called Daniella... actually it used to be Daniel... we joined up together until he discovered he much rather be a woman than a Marine... that has had real problems finding shoes until they found this great little shop online."

The vein in Rodney's head was starting to throb, and, as Carson now had a worrying idea about what was about to happen, he wondered if his own vein was starting to come out in sympathy.

"Voila!" Laura said, producing the largest pair of stilletos from the box that Carson had ever seen. They matched the dress perfectly.

The Colonel made another slight squeaking noise again, and Carson couldn't blame him. The sight was getting more bizarre, especially as Rodney seemed to have been stunned into silence, just staring at the shoes.

"Well?" Laura prompted Rodney. "Do you like them?"

Rodney managed to lift his head so he could look at Cadman. Carson saw the look and again, in seeming fellow instinctive reaction, started moving towards the door with the Colonel.

"Do I like them?" Rodney repsonded, his voice getting slightly louder. "You're asking me if I like them?"

Carson and John moved more quickly, Rodney's cry of 'Carson!' being slightly cut off as the door closed behind them. And they kept on moving until they had got to the rehearsal room. Carson sagged into his director's chair, wondering again how he had got himself into this mess. John patted him gently on the shoulder. "Only another week to go, Doc."

Carson watched him head towards the stage. Another week? Maybe he would survive. Or maybe he would get lucky and the Wraith would attack. He could only hope.


End file.
